This is not the post I wanted to make after no having posted for so long, but it is. Yesterday I called my home and talked to my Dad after having encountered and seen many odd people. Such as a homeless guy having an argument with an imaginary being and a cross-dressing guy on the bus with a perverted smile on his face. Two other encounters include being hit on by an old grungy guy who kept offering me roasted peanuts he was eating and a guy who gave me creepy looks while waiting at a bus stop. Well today I went to go get milk (there is the remnants of an old dairy near where I live that has a small store) on the way back while waiting at the bus stop a middle aged black man comes to stand at the stop as well and he starts talking to me. He sees he milk and says I must like near by and I answer negatively. Well he goes on and say I am sweet and charming and yada yada yada and he wants my email address. Here is my thinking on this; if these weird guys want information then I'll give it, but its BAD information. I play along like this because I don't know if they will become upset and violent if I don't give them something (especially when I am at a bus stop alone with them) so I give them faulty info so they just get angry later when they have no hope of seeing me again.
I am fat and unattractive and look like a jumbo sized 12 year old. I dress in frumpy baggy unfashionable clothes and you can see all the ugly lumps and bumps in my back. I have no outstanding physical features and my breasts aren't anything to write home about. And I must also have stupid and manipulable stamped on me in ink only visible to pervy men 35+. I am 21 years old I am not stupid and I know what these creeps are thinking when they do this stuff... It's either they have some obsession with fat women or they see I look like kind of like a little girl and they harbor so creepy fetish that involves little girls.
My life goes like this... Either no one talks to me (people I don't know and people on the bus) and I am totally ignored for weeks or months at a time or all the weirdos spot me and I cant catch a break. Really is it too much to ask to have nice young men my own age talk to me? Is it? But it will never happen. Why you ask? Well I'll tell you why. Its because young men around my age would rather die then talk to or date a fatty like me. All they want is pretty young women with the body of a porn star (and probably the skills to match as well). That's all they care about they don't care about personality its all about looks and sexuality. And for the few guys who aren't that way well, they are socially inept gamers who think games are more important then girls/their girlfriends. I will NEVER be thin and I know this and I don't hold out hope for it. I like food and to cook far too much to give it up to look like a model. I have good qualities I know I do so is it too much hope some one who will like me just ask I am is out there and that they pay attention to me instead of these freaks?
***Note to Dad: Sorry if some of the things I said made you feel uncomfortable. I know you don't like hearing some of this stuff.
